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Post by CATARINA NILA LUXIS on Jul 27, 2011 22:58:59 GMT -8
 
As hard as she tried to push away the thought of a child, the closer it came to pouring out of her mouth. Telling Cale about any of that would certainly drive him off. And she had worked so diligently to get him here.
She sincerely wondered why this was such a big deal to her. And why it had taken until now to surface. Perhaps she had seen kids and secretly wondered why she didn't have one herself, but it wasn't anything she overly concerned herself with. Maybe it had something to do with finding someone that wasn't just a one-night stand or a fling. Though he was a bit more serious, Catarina was fairly sure he didn't want to be that serious. They were both still young, and neither of them had witnessed parenting at work. The only time Cat ever had a chance to be nurturing was when she had to keep Leo all those years back. And she left him by himself at school! To be honest, neither of them were very responsible.
Cat was a bit surprised when she felt a slight bump on the back of her head. Her temper started to flare until Cale chimed in about his friend. Catharina? Well, it was certainly no 'Catarina,' but it was still a nice name. His friend apparently had a good choice in names. Cale's second comment, however, made her smile a bit. She wasn't sure why but it did.
"Well, if he had named her Catarina, that would have been awkward, wouldn't it?" she retorted playfully. "Catastrophe. Clever." Truthfully, she had no comeback to that. It made her a little flustered that she didn't, but she shrugged it off anyways. Though, her mind continued to race, searching for a word she could compare his name to. Oh well, the moment had passed.
Cat emitted a soft yet audible sigh as her mind slowly transitioned back to their previous thoughts. She felt that, if she expressed her desire, then perhaps it would stop haunting her, much like the guilt from before. But admitting something like that to Cale was madness. She was practically putting her head under the guillotine with that sort of stunt. Perhaps if she approached it subtlely, he wouldn't exactly catch on. He wasn't the smartest guy, after all. But Cat was anything but subtle herself. She was a pretty literal person.
She sunk herself deeper into her sheets, as if to cloak her mind in shadows. If only. She forced her eyes shut. It took a lot of effort to keep them such a way. "I'm, uh, going to go to sleep now," Catarina announced, so he wouldn't be baffled if she didn't speak back to him. Though, it did sound rather odd. Robotic, even.
However, she still continued to drive back her thoughts and squeeze her eyes shut. If she could just clear her mind, sleep would come easily. After all, she hadn't been to bed all night and Cale showing up at her door was certainly exhausting. Just his presence was tiring.
After a few minutes, she finally managed to derail the train of thoughts and put it to rest. A relieving sigh now escaped her vocal cords as she settled down. Catarina could slumber without a care or concern in the world.
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Post by CALE SHILOH COHEN on Jul 28, 2011 19:35:03 GMT -8
 Cale had taken quite a bit of pride in the fact that Catarina had no catty remarks toward his way of remembering to spell her name and had no interest in telling her that it truthfully did remind him at times. So he laid there with a smug grin on his face for quite some time. He stared up at the ceiling waiting for his eyelids to hurry up and grow heavy enough with sleep that they would stay shut but they didn’t seem to have any interest in doing that at all. Instead he found himself opening and closing them, opening and closing them… but, eventually, the darkness of sleep pulled him away from reality and his body managed to relax.
Dreams of the past came back to haunt him in those early morning hours. Perhaps it was because he had returned to the place where so many of those bad memories had been bred. They were like memories playing back to him and eventually twisting into something else that went horribly wrong. They were dreams that went all the way back to when he was just a kid trying to find a place to fit in with the other kids at school. He had been the one with the clothes that didn’t always fit right and the one that got the rumors tossed around early since he was one of the only kids who didn’t live in a house. Everyone always thought he was just so weird. They didn’t have any interest in being with the weird kid so he had blazed his own path. He’d become arrogant and bitter toward his family for putting him in such a predicament and he’d become increasingly violent toward all of the other kids. That had been his life and no matter how hard he tried to change the events in his dreams he always felt the anger bubble up and numb him from the inside out until he had no idea what he was doing anymore. He couldn’t stop the chaos that was creating him.
Cale’s eyes slowly fluttered open. His jaw felt incredibly stiff and sore (more than likely a product of grinding his teeth throughout his dreaming, he could only presume). His heart was beating a quicker rate than your average sleeper and he noted his chest rising a falling at an accelerated pace. He didn’t feel worried though. He felt alright, just suddenly restless and uninterested in sleep. He supposed he just didn’t want to remember anymore of what he was remembering. Good Lord, he had absolutely loathed the majority of his childhood hadn’t he?
These thoughts brought him back to the earlier topic between him and Cat about kids. That was a good reason not to have any right there. He didn’t want to have a kid who had to have him as a dad because surely then they would have the same life he led. He didn’t want to see a repeat of that and he didn’t want to be the one who had to worry about his kid going out and getting into fights and trying to kill himself… Cale didn’t want to see his life again. Up until now he was at least somewhat pleased with himself. But only up until now… he had made far too many mistakes in the past.
He looked around the room for any signs of the time. It was still dark in the room and outside. It must have only been a few hours then considering the sun usually started cresting around five. Maybe it had only been an hour? Ugh, Cale had no idea what the time frame was but whatever it had been he didn’t feel like sleeping it away until the sun came up.
The man pushed himself up in Catarina’s bed and leaned against the headboard. His eyes could see everything in shades of gray, just like when he had come in here to fall asleep. Everything was extremely quiet in Cat’s house and he was sure if he had not opened the windows then it probably would have been completely silent. The wildlife beyond the walls of the house was stirring, but they weren’t too noisy. Just a few crickets and such, it was nothing that could keep him awake. But, still, Cale found himself suddenly wide awake.
Cale found himself gazing over toward Cat now. She was the only other living thing in this house, after all. Oh and he may have liked her a tad bit so he didn’t mind staring from time to time. Though staring at someone who had bundled themselves up in a comforter was no easy task, mind you. So to help with his whole staring thing Cale decided to move the blanket away from her a bit so that he could at least clearly see the back of her head and tops of her shoulders. She probably still had the thing tugged up in front of her face but he couldn’t see that side anyways.
From there he let his fingers dance around through the tangles of her straight, dirty blond hair and flick it around in circles. Then they slid down her neck and around in circles on her upmost shoulder, making little lines in the white cotton shirt that she wore.
He supposed he could live with this. No, he was sure he could. As long as she didn’t kill him first, that is. TAGS, CATARINA WORDS, 911 NOTES, LOL 911 EMERGENCY. SONG, IRIS - GOO GOO DOLLS
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Post by CATARINA NILA LUXIS on Jul 28, 2011 21:53:58 GMT -8
Slumber had finally overtaken Catarina. Though she welcomed the freedom of the subconscious, there were still troubling tides in her mind. It raged like a typhoon, beating against her cranium, stirring up maelstroms and creating vicious hurricanes. She dreamt of all the work the Luxis family put into their fortune in France. Not every single member of her family was born rich. In fact, before her grandmother, they had been working mostly on some sort of plantation. Cat didn't want to let any of them down. She was deeply connected to her history and genealogy. If she didn't have a child, who would be there to carry on the name? There was Panthea and Leo, but they weren't the kids of Cat's father, who was the oldest. And, to think, Catarina's family were Catholic anyways. They weren't supposed to care for birth control.
Cat had never been much of a dreamer (not any that she could remember anyways). It alarmed her to the point of awakening, or perhaps it was Cale that had woke her up. She could feel his hand run down her neck, and a chill almost shot up her spine. She enjoyed just the touch from Cale. It was crazy, the amount of sensations he managed to make her experience. But it was also a shame they couldn't do anything about it. All because she refused to take any form of birth control and he wasn't prepared. Catarina was content to lay there and let him caress her, however. It gave her a sense of being wanted, which was a rare feeling, indeed.
She didn't know whether or not to slip back into sleep (as he was making her rather drowsy), or to stay awake on his behalf. Well, he would probably stop if he knew she was awake. He was just stubborn like that. So she decided to settle down again, closing her eyes for the second time. It would be much simpler to drift into sleep this go around.
But she just didn't want to. She was savoring Cale's act of compassion too much to ignore it. When was he ever soft and kind? Almost never.
Catarina continued to lay there for a moment or two before pretending to stir as if she had just come out of sleep. She made a slight groan before pushing herself up against the headboard, almost on the same level as him. Her eyes wandered toward his figure silhouetted against the light from the door. She blinked at him a few moments. When her vision came back to her, she leaned over, locking lips with Cale. She kissed him passionately, but not roughly. Normally she was all for rough and hard; right now, however, she was revealing her sappier side.
She pulled away from him, quite satisfied, might I add. She was, truthfully, content just to sit in darkness the rest of the night. Despite the little spat they had earlier, it was definitely one of the better experiences she had ever had with Cale. Prom was certainly up there. She wasn't sure what was number one on her list, but tonight was certainly a contender for the first spot.
Cat yawned slightly, giving off the appearance that she was still tired. She could sleep, sure, but it wasn't what she wanted to do. She wanted to wade out the rest of the night with Cale. After all, she wouldn't always be in Kendrick, and neither would he. Who knew visits at two a.m. could be so nice? He was fortunate that she hadn't been asleep; otherwise, she might not have been so anxious to answer the door. But, nonetheless, she couldn't say that she wasn't glad he was here. She wished she could drag him to France with her, though. Even with all the people there, it was still pretty lonely in a house by herself.
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Post by CALE SHILOH COHEN on Jul 28, 2011 22:46:56 GMT -8
He wasn’t sure how long he had occupied himself with drawing circles on her shirt and tapping lightly on her shoulder or twisting her hair around… yeah, it had probably been only a few minutes that seemed like a lifetime. But that lifetime was shattered when Catarina started to move around and eventually stir completely out of her sleep. As soon as she had started to lift herself up Cale pulled his hand back away from her and set it down on the bedspread. He wasn’t exactly sure what kind of bothering comments he would get for touching her while she was trying to sleep. No, it hadn’t been anything in appropriate but it was definitely not something that Catarina would be used to him doing. Cale wasn’t really all that good at showing affections since he just… wasn’t really too fond of seeing them or anything like that. It was a private matter with people and… well this as private wasn’t it? But he wasn’t really, truly sure just how much he trusted her with that. They had known one another for a while now but they still had their rocky moments. Was he ready to try and expose a little bit more to her? No, he wasn’t sure about that. He was already being sweet enough anyways.
When she didn’t speak with him, Cale wasn’t sure what to do with the situation. He was starting to feel a bit embarrassed now. Maybe she was pondering about what he was just doing to her. Maybe she thought that he was being really creepy or weird or something like that. His eyes moved away from her now and he stared over toward the wall to try and pry his mind away from that. She probably hadn’t even noticed that he was doing anything and was probably trying to figure out why she had even woken up. He didn’t know… he was done thinking about it. Well he was trying to forget about it.
Eventually Cale started to look back in her direction. She was awake, that was obvious enough, but she wasn’t making any efforts to really let him know that. Instead she just sat there quietly, making him wonder for a moment if she just wanted to go back to sleep or- okay, obviously Catarina didn’t want to just go back to sleep.
Catarina had made an exceptional effort to let him know that she was awake by getting hold of him and locking him in a kiss. He didn’t manage to take the time to enjoy it though and instead tired to get over the sudden surprise he felt. It only took him a moment to get pulled out of his trance though but by then she had pulled away and left Cale in a bit of a daze. He wrinkled his nose then and shot his stare over at her, making out the gray features of her in the darkness. He pressed his lips tightly together as he tried to find something to say about it but he was lacking… any. He had just woken up… and she had just snatched his face and kissed him out of nowhere… and been somewhat nice about it. Wouldn’t you be a little bit flabbergasted too if that had happened to you? And if it had been Catarina Luxis? You wouldn’t understand… he doubted anyone would get that as well as he did too.
“And what the fuck was that for?” he asked her, sounding a mix between agitation and confusion. It was mostly confusion though, as he really was only bothered because he didn’t get it. He lifted his hand to his face and brushed his lips with his fingers. “You were supposed to be sleeping, ya know. Scared the shit outta me.” TAGS, CATARINA WORDS, 634 NOTES, SHORT BUT I'M SLEEPY. SONG, IRIS - GOO GOO DOLLS
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Post by CATARINA NILA LUXIS on Jul 29, 2011 10:07:22 GMT -8
Catarina couldn't exactly see every single feature of Cale's face, but she could certainly feel some awkward piercing the silence in the room. Perhaps she should have stayed asleep after all. She was sort of hoping he would continue to be soft with her. Apparently he didn't want her to know about it, however. That was typical and to be expected from him. He had a thick exterior and if anyone found out he had a squishy inner core, who would take him seriously?
His reaction to her kiss was one that she wasn't expecting. He sounded puzzled, as if she had just done something with no real reason (she was irrational, but not that irrational). Cat, herself, was confused by what he said. She became a bit flustered at first, but realized it was somewhat humorous. If she had really scared him, then she had finally gotten the upper hand.
Catarina grinned at Cale, revealing her teeth, which was uncommon. He probably couldn't see that she was genuinely amused, but it was probably for the best. He might be angry if he saw she was laughing at him. "I was asleep, but you woke me up... I think. Something did," she explained while choking her giggles. Then she shrugged at him. Surprisingly, this wasn't a big deal to her. She had gotten a laugh or two out of an otherwise-upsetting reaction of his.
She decided not to "scare" him anymore. Instead, she sunk into her comforter again, bringing it up and tucking it under her chin. For some reason, Cat liked to feel like she was burrowed deep into her covers. Though she was laying down, she remained facing Cale, looking up at him.
She wouldn't be surprised if he tried to play some sort of prank on her now, though her frightening him was unintentional. Of course, if he tried anything out of the current time frame, he would probably just piss her off. Her sense of humor was a shallow pool. The only thing she could laugh at that wasn't part of someone's misfortune was animals doing stupid stunts. Like practically everyone else, she was a sucker for animal feats.
He had made her not so sleepy anymore by causing her to laugh. What was she going to do for the rest of the night? Cat wasn't even sure how long she had been sleeping, but it couldn't have been that long. However, not falling into slumber also meant no nightmares. They weren't scary so much as they were shocking. It was more of a slap in the face. But only for Catarina. If she told anyone of the dream she had, she would be criticized, especially by people that knew her. Mostly because they knew that she wasn't nurturing, nor was she very patient. And, also, she wasn't exactly the most family-oriented person. She loved both of her cousins and her father, but that was about as far as it went. Her grandparents were fairly foreign to her and difficult to understand (as her modern French was very different from theirs). All-in-all, Cat was much better suited for just herself. She hated being alone, but sharing the house with anyone other than Prince would probably only frustrate her. Yes, she was fairly bi-polar, But all women were at least a little bit so! Catarina was just adapt to living on her own, though she didn't exactly want to. Cale was the same way, except he probably didn't want anyone to live with him. That made them so compatible to be parents: both loners and both of them stubborn as a rock.
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Post by CALE SHILOH COHEN on Jul 29, 2011 11:11:49 GMT -8
Cale sat quietly for a few more moments trying to brush off the feelings of embarrassment that had suddenly sprung up on him. She was sort of acting like she didn’t know but Cale wasn’t sure if she was just stalling with it or not so immediately getting rid of the nervous knot in his stomach would be impossible. This left him curious as to why he would do something like that to begin with. What the hell had gotten into him? He should have known better than to just reach out and do something stupid like that around her. He continuously tried to justify it though, assuring himself that it would have been okay if she had been asleep and surely she had been asleep because if she hadn’t then she would have said something as soon as she had felt his touch and most likely complained to him to stop whatever it was that he was doing. Usually she assumed his actions had notorious intent so hopefully that was what she thinking now.
He needed to stop worry about this. Like, he really needed to stop worry about this right now because he knew it was a pointless worry. Whatever was coming was coming whether he liked it or not and if he was busy worrying than Catarina might catch him off guard and that would be all bad.
The pair of turquoise eyes turned to her when she started to move around again. He shifted around himself then, making it to where he could face her a little more and keep an eye on her. But she obviously wasn’t doing anything to cause any kind of harm to him. Instead she had sunk back down into her comforter and if it hadn’t been for Cale seeing the glint of her eyes in the darkness then he would have guessed that she was trying to go back to sleep. Nope, she was just laying down there staring up at him now and he continued to stare back, eventually sculpting his lips into the downward arch of a frown. Did she have any idea how much she completely baffled him sometimes? What he assumed to be the answer only made him a little upset… he was sure that she did enjoy hanging things over his head and making him wonder or worry. Since she thought that she was such a genius and all…
Eventually Cale gave into their little stare down and looked away from her to stare off toward the entrance of the bedroom. He couldn’t simply bask in his thoughts now that he knew she was awake and watching him. Now he felt like she’d just figure him out if he made anything too obvious (how obvious could staring toward an empty hall make anything though?). Cale pursed his lips and looked down toward his torso. In the dark he appeared so wonderfully average; he really liked it. You couldn’t outline any scars or marks that he had earned from his years roaming the streets. He looked like any other guy. The thought of being average made him grin a bit but he still knew that underneath the skin awkward feelings were building.
“I couldn’t sleep ‘cuz I kept having weird dreams,” he stated bluntly. He almost bit back his tongue but it was working faster than his brain was again out of the nervous agitation just like it always had. “I was such a shitty kid, man. I did all the things I shouldn’t have done and then some. No wonder my fuckin’ grandma hated me so much. I think that everyone hated me when I was a kid. Maybe now too. Dad always said paybacks were hell.” Cale made a face after that. His nose crumpled up and his lips tightened disgust. “Guess he won’t know I don’t got anything to payback for being a kid except for the shit I already did to try and fix it.”
How long had it been now since the head of their little family had been dead? Cale tried to do the math in his head but everything involved with that topic seemed to have either happened in a blur or just yesterday. So he couldn’t give an exact date. If anyone asked he’d just have to shrug and say around four years. They were much better off going to his mother and asking her about her late husband. She always remembered things like that… big important dates or tragic ones that scarred her mind. Cale always felt bad for all the memories he’d left with her. Were there any good ones?
“She always said I wasn’t that bad a kid,” Cale murmured, referring to his mother now. “Just always said I wanted to have company but couldn’t get it. So I made them notice me.” TAGS, CATARINA WORDS, 808 NOTES, WELL FINE. IF CAT DOESN'T WANT TO TALK THEN... SONG, IRIS - GOO GOO DOLLS
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Post by CATARINA NILA LUXIS on Jul 29, 2011 16:39:56 GMT -8
Catarina's attention began to wander from Cale, staring potentially at her desk on the other half of the room. She wouldn't have minded getting on her laptop, but she was likely to find boredom there, as no one was going to be online at 3? 4? Whatever time it was. All she would find would be some freak she didn't know trying to instant message her. Yeah, those ones that asked for her age and whatnot. Cat loved to tease them a bit by typing in French. They always asked if she spoke English. She couldn't help but laugh, though she probably shouldn't have even been tampering with those people or robots, whatever they were.
Her eyes caught sight of him looking over toward the hall. The stare of her icy eyes rested on him once again, though he seemed fixed on gazing opposite of her. Perhaps he was too embarrassed to look at her. In that case, Catarina could not exactly sympathize with him. She still found his fright just a tad funny.
However, he caught her a bit off-guard when he chimed in about his sleep. Cat hadn't exactly thought about why he was awake, but now she was more than curious. She didn't expect him to tell her why he was having weird dreams or what he experienced in his dreams. In fact, she was pretty surprised he even told her that he was having reveries at all. But, much to her amazement, he continued, telling her about his childhood. Well, not any huge details, just the general information. Like how his grandma hated him and how he was such a terrible kid. She couldn't really empathize, as she was as innocent as an angel when she was younger. Catarina was one of those little girls who smiled all the time, shied away bashfully when people called her cute, and always wanted to be in pretty dresses. She was the girliest of girls. But that wasn't the point at hand. It was about how awful Cale had it. Cat couldn't imagine the things he did to get his own family members to hate him, besides the fighting and whatnot she knew he did in high school.
Catarina listened to everything he had to say, not daring to interject in his little confession. She still didn't understand what he did that was so bad. How could someone who was supposed to love you just... stop? It was from one extreme to the other. Perhaps she was taking his choice of words too literally. He may have been over-exaggerating.
"Well," Cat started, propping herself up on her elbow whilst staring him down, "wouldn't they be ashamed of themselves to see how great you are now?" Did she... did she just give him a compliment? It felt strange on her lips and tongue. Catarina actually rolled her tongue against her teeth to try and get the taste out. She loved Cale, but it was so odd to be so nice. She merely shook her head at him. "I'm sure you weren't as bad as they made you out to be. You were probably just bad in comparison to the other kids they saw," she stated in a matter-of-fact tone, acting as if she knew his entire situation completely. "Aren't boys always trouble, anyways?" Cat also remarked, though in more of a sarcastic state.
For a moment, Catarina realized that they were talking about dreams. Perhaps she could explain her own to him. Though since he hated his family, he probably wouldn't want to hear about the only problem in hers (besides the fact that she loathed her mother and that her uncle had a gambling problem). She figured she could at least put it on the table, and if he wanted to hear about it, he could ask her. "You know, I had a dream, too, about my family. I mean, not directly about them," she explained awkwardly. But she shrugged, turning her eyes upward as if it was no big deal. Cat didn't want to seem like she didn't want to hear about him. She just wanted to get something off her chest, too.
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Post by CALE SHILOH COHEN on Jul 30, 2011 21:31:45 GMT -8
Honestly, Cale wasn’t sure how to answer. His eyes shifted over toward her, a half frown falling onto his features from a small notion of sadness that was balling up in the pit of his stomach. Not to mention she had actually just spoken to him like he assumed normal friends or whatever they were would do. It was strange but he pushed away the unease, believing that she actually had no interest in making him feel like absolute crap despite their earlier trifle (she’s already apologized for that anyways). So he didn’t question her or give her any sarcastic looks. Cale, instead, took her seriously and remained quiet while he tried to analyze the thought that she had offered to him. The thought that maybe he had made enough of himself to make the people he had previously known rethink any negative things they had associated with the name Cale Cohen.
Who had ever said that he was anything great? He sure as hell didn’t think that he lived up to much of anything. Yeah, it was true that he had lied beyond anything his father ever thought he would make it too but was that even much? Not really. Cale hadn’t been some huge success, he didn’t live in a beautiful house, he didn’t adore his life, and most people didn’t think that he was anything too special. Did Catarina think that he had reason to think that he had turned out great? Considering how strangely nice she had been to him lately, Cale wasn’t really sure whether to think she was being sarcastic with him or not. It made him want to just sort of go ahead and- “How am I any better now than I was when I was a kid?” he blurted out, pushing his eyebrows tightly toward one another. Then he frowned again and turned his eyes away. He shook his head and his features begin to soften up considerably. “I was pretty shitty to them. Just don’t ask my mom. She always kinda stuck up for me even when I was being a fuckin little piss.”
Cale shook his head now, looking as though he had managed to shake off all the hard feelings. It was hard not wearing them on his sleeve, as he was so fond of doing. But he managed to swallow up that hurt. He didn’t want to think about his dad and mom together. He didn’t want to remind himself how he had never redeemed himself in his father’s eyes. That was far too painful to ever think about and he really doubted that any soothing words could ever take that pain away from him. Nothing could bring back your dead father, absolutely nothing.
It was weird just talking about him and what was going on in his head. The realization that he’d been speaking so freely with her sent a sudden flip inside of his stomach. He instantly felt a lump grow in his throat and he wanted to shift topics. Thankfully, Catarina went ahead and mentioned that she had also had a dream. Funny enough, hers also revolved around family though… not directly about family? How did that even make any sense? Cale had no idea and this caused him to dart his eyes in her direction skeptically.
“What do you mean by that?” he asked her plainly. TAGS, CATARINA WORDS, 562 NOTES, SHORT BUT THAT'S OKAY. NOW CAT CAN BE ALL CHATTY SONG, IRIS - GOO GOO DOLLS
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Post by CATARINA NILA LUXIS on Jul 30, 2011 22:28:38 GMT -8
Was it strange that Cale was opening his feelings to her? Certainly. Was it possible that he may be on some kind of narcotic? Undoubtedly. This unusual behavior of Cale was something to be suspicious of. Catarina wanted to find some underlying mischievous intention of his, but all his words were fairly genuine. Besides, she knew already what kind of background he came from. He was a hellion, at least from when she knew him. She could definitely see what kind of kid he would be. To put it simply, the complete opposite of her when she was younger.
She wasn't really sure how all of his words and emotions had ended up in her lap, as most of it was a haze now, but they were there; Cat was treading on eggshells now. One stupid comment and he would transform into a forked-tongued, spear-wielding demon. And she really didn't want to be skewered today; she liked her insides on the inside.
Cat couldn't help but feel bad for him. She was always complaining about how her mom was such a bitch, but that was really the biggest problem she ever had (besides relationship problems, of course). He probably didn't want her sympathy or pity. It was maybe more of a scenario where he just needed to vent. She wasn't really sure. She wasn't great at handling emotions, her own or other peoples'.
It startled her a bit when he cried out at her. Of course, she should have seen his inquiry coming. "Well, you don't depend on anyone," she started, a bit hesitant. "And you've just, um... you know, this would be a lot easier if I knew you as a kid. Just take my word for it. If the fact that you've exceeded everyone's expectations isn't enough, then I don't know what to tell you." It was blunt. It was direct. But it got her point across. And, she felt, that it wasn't too hurtful (if it was, at all).
Catarina had this pent-up feeling that he would be unleashing Hell on her soon. His emotions were similar to a game of ping-pong. They sort of bounced back and forth. But sometimes they got caught in a net. She supposed that net was what stopped him from fluctuating, and perhaps, for now, that net was her?
What he said next sort of hit her like a freight train. She hadn't exactly expected him to bite the bait, so she hadn't thought about how she was going to explain it to him. Her stomach was in knots, she was so nervous. Catarina bit her lip for a moment, pondering on how to put her expression into words. She couldn't think too long, however, or he might get frustrated with her silence.
"I don't really know how to put this in a way that won't freak you out," she warned him, sighing. "But, well, my dream was about my heritage and how I wouldn't be able to... you know, carry it on. I mean, it really got me thinking when you said all your friends were having kids, and I guess I sort of want one myself." Catarina gazed at him, her eyes somewhat sad and distant. She was sure he wouldn't understand her position on children. "I suppose that's a little weird, isn't it?"
Cat buried her angst deep down. It was unfamiliar territory to explain it to anyone, especially the "victim" of her angst. Yes, he was a victim, because he obviously didn't want a kid and she did. And, knowing Cale, he could certainly outlast her. Not that she would just go find some random stranger to get her pregnant. If Cale didn't want one, then she guessed she would never have one. It wouldn't feel right having a baby by any other person. It was just so strange to put out there.
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Post by CALE SHILOH COHEN on Jul 31, 2011 8:24:58 GMT -8
The only reason he didn’t depend on anyone was because Cale knew that he really couldn’t. Nobody had ever given him the choice. Nobody had ever come up to him and said, “Hey, if you need me come and lean on my shoulder because I got your back.” That only happened in movies if you asked Cale and to people who were ridiculously nice (he sort of scared away those types). So that first part only caused him to scrunch his nose at her disapprovingly. The rest of it didn’t exactly satisfy his curiosity either but, with a small huff, he decided to go ahead and leave it at that deciding that she wasn’t even really that certain of why she may have gotten the idea that he was somehow great. Cale supposed that it would just have to be something that he figured out on his own anyways. He wouldn’t believe anyone until he believed it himself, so why even bother with trying to press the issue? Plus, he’d probably sound weird and needy for wanting to know about it. He dropped it, but some thoughts to still couldn’t help but linger in the back of his mind… why would Catarina ever call him great or think he was, if she did? If she did… truthfully.
His question was greeted with silence. Maybe Catarina didn’t feel like talking about her dream with him. It could have been possible that hers had been just as shitty as his had been. Oh, but she had said hers wasn’t directly about her family. He had no idea what that meant still and was hoping to get some kind of insight. Hell, even if he did he still may not have understood what the shit she was going on about. Sometimes Cat made simple things really difficult to understand and the difficult things… not so much easier. Cale wasn’t as sharp as her when it came to straight facts. He had never been much of a bookworm and a studious person. Self education wasn’t really on his to do list either (though it probably should have been). He was street wise, plain and simple. He was more worried about the now and the people trying to kick his ass… or he was a little paranoid that everyone was out to get him. Thankfully Cat was there to balance out his lack of wit and culture.
Freak him out? He would have loved to answer that smugly and reply that she had already done that so many times it would be nothing. But Cale found himself already slightly freaked out by everything that was going on so he managed to keep his mouth shut mostly for the lack of words. So he just stared at her with his brow still furrowed, looking a little bit distressed and almost like he already had no idea what she was talking about. He was merely preparing for this “freaky” information that he was about to hopefully (or not) receive. Maybe he really didn’t want to know what was on her mind.
Her answer almost made him gag on the dryness in his throat. His face change very visibly. Each of his eyebrows shot up close to the shaggy locks of sandy hair falling over his forehead and his jaw clenched very obviously. He almost wanted to laugh with the shock of that. He had thought the mere mention of babies early would have turned her off in an instant and here she was saying that she actually liked the idea of babies! Cale wasn’t sure whether he should cry or laugh hysterically about it.
His lips parted to answer but paused, open. No words were even on his mind. He supposed he just wanted to fill the silence that he knew was already creeping up on them. He didn’t have an answer because he was so completely flabbergasted by what she had just said to him. For a moment he just stared at her, still looking shocked with his mouth half open.
Finally, Cale managed to shake off his sudden lack of words.
“A… you… you want a…” Cale’s face was making more looks than he even knew he could make, while trying to grasp this idea of Catarina going around with a baby on her hip. He shook his head slowly and pressed his eyes shut. It wasn’t really in a ‘hell no’ gesture, just more of a trying to get the picture in his mind kind of thing. “Just tryin’ to get this in my head right,” he mumbled, eyes still closed. Eventually his eyes peeked back open to look at her. “You want a baby?”
Cale felt a very heavy weight in his chest when he thought about the word. He didn’t want one. He didn’t want to have the responsibility. He didn’t feel like he was even old enough to be a father even though his dad had become a father just about this age. Just because he had didn’t mean that Cale wanted to. Cale doubted that he was even capable of that sort of maturity. He couldn’t picture himself rocking a baby to sleep, changing a diaper, or getting excited over a doctor announcing that it was a healthy baby girl or boy. He just… couldn’t see himself in any of those situations. It seemed impossible or, at least, very far away from where he was in his life now. And Cat, of all people, wanted one? It just seemed so… out of the blue to him. TAGS, CATARINA WORDS, 926 NOTES, -DIES WITH CALE'S FREEDOM-SONG, IRIS - GOO GOO DOLLS
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Post by CATARINA NILA LUXIS on Jul 31, 2011 9:42:41 GMT -8
Catarina felt somewhat ashamed, thrusting the idea of a baby onto him like that. It seemed that she was trying to burden him with it. She didn't want it to be a mandatory thing, and she hoped that it didn't come off such as that. She was just explaining her feelings on the subject. It was strictly a professional sort of stance on the situation.
Her answer was met with some odd looks, even some she could make out in the darkness. Her teal eyes lowered, staring at what was, presumably, her lap. There was distress in them. Guilt, even. She was stupid for ever bringing it up. What person in their right mind wanted to have kids? Unless they were like thirty? Catarina was hoping that this was just a temporary fad, that she was only jealous of Sarah, and that it would all blow over. Because eighteen years of enslavement for a child did not sound ideal.
When he finally spoke up, his words were reluctant. He seemed very uncertain. But it was no wonder, really. Catarina took a deep breath before replying to him, simply, "Yes, I want a baby." She shook her head, though. "But I know that you don't. And that's enough to discard the thought." Cat looked at him, now, though unsure whether or not he could see her. For a moment or two, she tried to read his features; was he shocked or happy or angry? She could imagine that her last words were something to put him at ease. She wasn't going to pressure him into anything (not that she really could, anyways).
Cat sighed sharply, closing her eyes now. She tried to play down the situation a bit by relaxing her body. However, her mind was still very tense. It was racing quicker than the speed of light. It troubled her, but she tried not to show it.
Even though Catarina was a literal person, she did not always like the seriousness that sometimes ensued between them. Their relationship was an unpredictable one, always keeping each other on their toes. It was incredibly entertaining, because Cat had always been the girl who studied a lot and was pretty boring. So, of course, she liked surprises and spontaneity. Talking about... feelings and such were neither of their fortes. In fact, it usually generated rage and, like now, awkwardness. Generally, it was just uncomfortable.
She stirred a bit, shrugging off the latter idea. "But, anyways, now that I have that off my mind..." she trailed off, not exactly sure where she was going with it. Catarina just decided to end her sentence there and hoped he wouldn't notice. However, she felt dumb and awkward. It was just a transition, she though, nothing to be feeling stupid about. Fortunately, it would change subjects. If the outcome was not so, then she could always pretend to be asleep (as if someone could fall asleep that quickly). Cat did not really want to discuss the topic further with him. She felt like she had already branded him with some sort of mark of the beast. Because once you mentioned a baby, there wasn't any taking it back. People didn't forget shit like that, especially the king of spite, Cale Cohen.
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Post by CALE SHILOH COHEN on Jul 31, 2011 11:54:07 GMT -8
It was still amazingly hard for him to believe that she, Catarina Luxis, would want to have anything to even do with a baby. She wanted to actually go through all of the mess of having one too? The first step was the easiest, breeziest, and (undoubtedly) most fun part, Cale was sure. But every single step after that would be horribly agonizing. First, there was the whole pregnancy bit which he thankfully didn’t have to put up with ever in his life with any woman. But, shit, the things that he had heard about pregnant women! They had like cravings of all disgusting sorts, swollen parts, aching backs, and then got paid back with stretch marks and a screaming kid. The second step was actually having the baby. He was sure that was an uncomfortable experience despite things he had heard about how magical it could be. Life was not a Disney movie and he could easily assume that anything that big coming out of your body no matter what part would be a pain in the ass. Then there was the third part of all of this and that was actually raising the damn thing for the rest of your life. You would be bound forever to this person that you had helped bring into this world and what if you hated them? You couldn’t. You would have to always unconditionally love them and help them because you were responsible of them. At least, that was how it should have worked. There were plenty of parents who didn’t deal with step three in the cycle of having children and unfortunately they were usually the most avid on having as many of them as possible. Did any of that sound magically delightful? Anyone who thought so was clearly insane.
Cale had known a few kids in his life time. But not well. It wasn’t like he had an abundance of cousins or friends when he was a kid (or even in adulthood). He wasn’t sure how they worked and doubted that the little ones liked him much since he could be considerably frightening to a child. Some of his friends’ kids liked him but that was only because they were his friends’ kids and he either had to be nice or had no problem being nice since he liked his friends. And they had tolerable, sweet kids who usually affectionately referred to him as Uncle. He could deal with being Uncle but Daddy was an entirely different game. And that was mostly because it wasn’t a game at all.
He seemed to pout a bit at her blunt statement. It wasn’t like he’d just very plainly told her that never in his life did he want a kid (so he wouldn’t admit that he was actually sort of thinking that way for the moment). All he had done was said he didn’t want to just up and have a kid right at this very moment. Why would he want to do that? If he had a child with anyone right now it would surely put strain on their relationship since he wasn’t exactly fatherly. Not to mention if it was with Cat it would just be chaos because of how much they were still trying to learn to at least stay on bright terms and communicate with one another. He highly doubted that they were ready for it and doubted even more in himself. He wasn’t even sure how she had suddenly decided this.
Cale ignored her attempts to stray away from the conversation. His mind was already on this track and it wasn’t about to derail without plenty of answers to help make sense of everything.
“You do know that having a baby is basically just… saying bye to putting your own well being first, don’t you?” he finally spoke up. His eyes flashed back at her, not really caring whether or not she wanted to continue this conversation or not. He kind of wanted to get it over with and pushed aside correctly since they were so horrible at that. They’d already accomplished quite a bit with one another so why not the awkwardness of having an honest conversation? His mom had always told him that was the best thing about his dad. She could tell him anything and everything without being worried that he would think her strange. “I don’t think you’re weird for it,” he added in quickly. “Just… sorta surprising that you want one since you aren’t exactly the type to put all of your attention on something like that.”
He was trying his best not to seem completely baffled and harsh. He didn’t want to be but he was well aware that sometimes he just came across that way and then usually had no intentions of making it seem otherwise. So he tried to keep the edge out of his voice that had simply been brought on because of the confusion. He didn’t want this to be weird… no matter how weird it made him feel. TAGS, CATARINA WORDS, 843 NOTES, -DIES WITH CALE'S FREEDOM- SONG, IRIS - GOO GOO DOLLS
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Post by CATARINA NILA LUXIS on Jul 31, 2011 13:06:25 GMT -8
Catarina really wished she could understand why, exactly, she wanted a kid. It wasn't merely because she was worried about her family's lineage. And it wasn't because she was jealous of Sarah and Gabriel. There was something else. Something that focused a bit more on Cat than anyone outside of her. She supposed she wanted something or someone to take care of. She was always the one being taken care of, and she had never had to look after anything. And the one time she did, she completely blew it by leaving him (it?) at school. Catarina wanted a kid because she wanted to spoil it, much like she did with Prince.
But would he understand that? Probably not. It would sound stupid and bratty to him, she was sure. It was certainly a motherly instinct more than anything, and Cat knew Cale definitely didn't have one of those. He probably didn't even have a fatherly one. But, she supposed, it was just as strange for her to have a nurturing urge. It must have truly been programmed in every girl; otherwise, she theorized, why on Earth would they want to go through the pain of having a baby? It couldn't have been for the enjoyment of it. Because Catarina had seen those shows with the babies coming out... Yeah, it wasn't pretty, and honestly, if she did have a kid, that would be the part she was scared of the most. She could deal with the actual pregnancy snippet. She imagined it was sort of like being an alcoholic: puking every morning and not really being in control of your actions or feelings.
Cale made it very apparent that he didn't want to stray from the topic at hand. She figured that he would be the first to jump on the bandwagon. Perhaps it was a subject sensitive to him, too. Somehow, she felt like he was calling her selfish. He seemed centered around the fact that she focused on herself a lot. Catarina eyed him suspiciously, but nothing more. As much as she would have loved to turn the tables on him, she preferred to continue with the current conversation.
"I just want someone to depend on me. It's not fun to always have only your best interests in mind. Like, it may be crazy, but if someone was going to hurt my cat, Prince, I would much rather take it instead of him. I don't know. That was probably a stupid metaphor," Catarina explained, all in one hurried, almost run-on-like breath. She didn't have much to say after that. She felt that she had said all that she could. She had even figured out why she wanted a kid, and was trusting enough to tell Cale her reason, as odd as it was.
Cat couldn't even begin to tell Cale how sheepish she was on this topic. She wasn't a mother, had no knowledge of it, and was probably everyone's last resort for a baby sitter. Most likely, that was the reason why she disliked talking about it: she didn't know what the Hell she was saying. All she knew was that kids took a lot of time and responsibility, along with pain. But, she was sort of hoping that, in due time, it would pay off. Maybe not instantly, but Catarina figured she would get some sort of gratification, like unconditional love that wouldn't break her heart. That sounded pretty great, actually. After all of the emotional trauma she had been through.
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Post by CALE SHILOH COHEN on Jul 31, 2011 13:44:55 GMT -8
Maybe it was just his way of thinking but Cale felt like she was talking about this like it was going off and getting a pet. There was more than just having one and… what not. You had to buy things for it, discipline it, make life choices for it while it was too little to comprehend anything, and who knew what else came with being a parent. Most parents seemed like they were going crazy because of their kids, Cale’s parents especially seemed worn out and over the idea of having a kid around. And they had only had Cale (but maybe he counted as multiple children with all the problems he’d stirred up). Or, perhaps, Cat had already been thinking this through and knew everything that was running through his head. She wasn’t a complete idiot, after all. In fact, she was quite smart it was just common knowledge that she sometimes forgot to think over or maybe learn. Not that he was sure whether or not having a child counted as common knowledge. Or maybe it was instincts but if that was the case wouldn’t he be having those instincts as well? He didn’t know and he supposed he wouldn’t be able to unless it just smacked him in the face.
“Kids and cats are surprisingly different,” he told her, with a true hint of awe in his voice because of it. In all honesty, he sort of had a bad habit of comparing kids to little animals since they were usually easily entertained, easily frightened, and didn’t care when or where they pooped. Then he made a disgusted face. “They cost a lot of money too. And, shit, if we had a kid you’d be stuck with having to deal with me the rest of your life. You might end up regretting that.”
Eh, she probably didn’t have to worry about that actually. If ever they were put into that scenario then Cat would more than likely very easily have her way. Catarina and her family had a lot of money, for one, which gave them an obvious advantage over Cale. They could do tons of things with money and the law would probably take their side over his any day. Cale didn’t have a very good record, he didn’t have a ton of money, and God knew what else they could figure out was wrong with him. To put it simply, he was pretty fucked up while Catarina (no matter how mean spirited she could be) could have it as good as gold. There was a huge difference between them. They were coming from two completely different places with completely different opinions on just about everything. Cat was well educated and persuasive. Cale was a high school dropout who could make enemies faster than intended with his big mouth (he was working on it).
All in all, maybe he could see why Cat was comfortable with the idea of having a child and why he wasn’t. He was starting his life from scratch and working on himself. Maybe Cat just didn’t have anything she wanted to work on. He could point out a few things but he was sure that would do no good and only stir up some bitter emotions.
It couldn’t possibly work out. “Don’t most people usually wait till their married to go and start making babies?” Cale said pointedly. “You’ve only been-” He didn’t know a word for it. Where they in a relationship or where they just on good terms with benefits? That had never been made really clear between the two of them. Yet another good reason not to create any offspring! “It’s only been a little while. I may not be everything you want and… all that.”
The smugness couldn’t help but start to perk up in him now as the first signs of light started to pour through the opened window. The night life was going back away, being replaced by the jittery little birds of daytime. “I know I’d help to make some really awesome lookin’ kids but I think maybe you should… think of what you’d be getting yourself into with me. I’m not a prince. I’m not perfect. Things don’t always go well for me and the people around me. I’m bound to fuck up something all the time.” TAGS, CATARINA WORDS, 725 NOTES, -DIES WITH CALE'S FREEDOM- SONG, IRIS - GOO GOO DOLLS
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Post by CATARINA NILA LUXIS on Aug 1, 2011 10:39:40 GMT -8
Honestly, Catarina wasn't sure how much longer she wanted to discuss this. The light peeking from the window projected just slightly onto her bed, warning her that morning was approaching. And she had gotten what, two, three hours of sleep? Cat without beauty sleep equaled an unhappy, hateful sub-human. And a sub-human Cat? Well, that meant devastation and destruction all around her. To put it in layman's terms, it wouldn't be pretty. Besides, weren't they just beating a dead horse anyways? Cat got the gist of what he thought about it: he didn't want one, he didn't see any positives about one, and he just plain didn't understand her stance on one.
Catarina wanted to roll her eyes at his words. Did he forget that she was rich? Like, millions-rich? For Christ's sake, she owned a mansion in Kendrick and one in France, one of the most expensive places to live. Not to mention, her parents owned a mansion as well. And as if she wasn't upset enough, he seemed to put himself down. Or was that just her imagination? He had clearly said that she may not want to deal with him for so long. Cat had put up with his crap for several years! She'd seen him at his worst and at his best. But, instead of giving him a sarcastic eye roll, she just shook her head in disapproval.
Again and again, he continued to make sense, yet, in their own situation, it didn't make sense. Catarina knew plenty of people that didn't wait to get married before they had kids. She, for one, didn't even ever want to get married. Why would she want to be tied down like that? And as for his second remark, oh... she could have given him a piece of her mind on that, but she bit her tongue, waiting for him to finish.
Well, now it was her turn to unload. She was going to make it simple and straightforward for him. "Firstly, Cale, if I didn't want to put up with you, I wouldn't have done it for all those years," she began, her tone obviously snide. "Secondly, married people are typically very unhappy, so why would I ever want to be married to wait for anything? And, lastly, I know you're not perfect or anything. Do you think I am? My point is that I know what I'm getting myself into. I've known since I met you." She felt that she deserved a pat on the back for countering all of his tactics. She was good, but he could just as easily come back at her.
Catarina scrunched her nose playfully at Cale, showboating her right-ness in his face. How could he deny any of what she said? She had put up with him for a long time, and the same went with him for her. And, typically, from her experience, people who were married seemed to be more at each others' throats than those who were independent. Perhaps it was the whole sharing everything and living together. She could definitely see how that would get old. But maybe it was just because she was a bitter, fairly selfish individual.
As for her last topic, well, she had known that Cale was a no-good, low-down bumpkin right from the start! But, seriously, Cat hadn't followed him like a lost puppy for nothing. She wasn't surprised when he shot her down; she was heartbroken, sure, but she had experienced that enough not to be shocked anymore. It was stupid to assume that he was going to be perfect. It was downright foolish. If he was perfect, he would be pretty boring, wouldn't he? Catarina didn't want a good boy like Chase or Chance or whatever her ex-fiance's name was. If Cale thought that was what she wanted, then he was sadly mistaken.
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